The Green Envelope

It was a good exercise, engaging both the mind and motor skills.  Yet what was the purpose?  Why did He prompt me to copy specific Scriptures to index cards?  The coming weeks turned our lives upside down and revelation soon followed.  It was cancer.  There were too many tests to deny it.

A whirlwind of doctor’s visits, consults, meetings, and planning sessions blew through our lives like a tornado in hot pursuit.  The information was overwhelming, the possibilities staggering.  More answers came as one day led into the next.  We were running on sheer adrenaline and shock.

I heard they advised my family the surgery went well, quicker than expected.  Yes, God was there, guiding the hands of the surgeons, whispering to the medical staff how to complete their tasks for success.

But my first memory was lying on  a bed being rolled through a hallway and feeling the greatest pain I had ever known.  Immediately words burst through my lips in an attempt to garner attention and help:  “Pain!  Pain!  Pain!  Pain!”  I had had surgery in the past and knew I should be feeling groggy, lethargic, but most certainly not like I wanted to give up just to escape the pain.

The hours that followed were filled with every attempt I could make to divert my focus from the pain.  I cried.  I prayed.  I begged.  I worshiped.  I wriggled around in the bed.  And in His ever gentle ways, the Holy Spirit reminded me of the green envelope.  I gave it to my daughter just before we left for the hospital, asking her to hold it in her purse for safe keeping.

Not wanting anyone to see me in such pain, I asked that my husband  not be allowed in the room with me.  But he insisted.  He sat there in the corner, concerned no doubt.  He knew he belonged there.  And what a blessing he was to me.  Eventually, I asked him to retrieve the envelope and read the verses to me.  God’s Word has always been a special comfort,  even when nothing else could calm me.  He read, and read.  Still the pain pursued, threating my physical and mental well-being.

His voice was giving way.  His words were harder to hear.  So he asked if I would allow our daughter to come in and read to me.  Desperate for anything that might bring relief, I agreed.  She came in the room and read to me.  Her voice was strong, yet disquieted.  She read.  I prayed.  I hurt.  I cried.  My greatest efforts were failing.  Nothing seemed to bring relief.  I began to doubt my ability to continue.  All I could think of was relief from the pain.  Then God spoke:  “When people are in pain, they look for the quickest way out.”

In that moment, I knew it was true.  I was looking for anything to bring relief.  But nothing was working.

Then the sounds changed.  She began to sing songs of worship.  Each melody was calming to my mind and spirit, even if my body refused to respond.  Then she came to the side of the bed and began caressing my face with her delicate hand.  Finally, there was something upon which my mind could focus.  Her voice was angelic.  His touch through her was calming.  Yet the pain continued through the night.

After several hours, she exited, and my husband played worship music on my phone.  With the passing of time, the music would stop.  Hesitantly, I would wake him to reset it.  Sleep eluded me.  Pain pursued me.  Yet peace fill the room as praise filled the space.

In time we were released to return home, even though the pain continued.  It would be weeks before my body calmed and my mind eased.  But God walked through each step with me and my family.  The pain was real.  It was ominous and threatening.  But it did not overpower.  Even when I thought I would not survive, God was watching and did not let me go where I did not belong.  He still has a plan and purpose for me.  And I want to fulfill it.  He knew the green envelope would be needed.  He placed a key in there for us to  retrieve at just the right moment so we would invite His presence into the room, into the pain.

Now the Lord is the Spirit,

and where the Spirit of the Lord is,

there is freedom.

2 Corinthians 3:17 niv

So what about you?  What seemingly simple or silly tasks might the Spirit be prompting you to do?  With what will you fill your green envelope, that symbolic ‘Go To’ when the pain of life seems greater than your strength?

But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord,

I wait for God my Savior;

my God will hear me.  

Micah 7:7 niv

I would love to hear your story about how God’s Word sustained you through a difficult time.  What Bible story or verse has been transformational for you?  Please feel free to contact me at:

WarrioroftheWord@yahoo.com